It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
