just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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