God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
