I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
