saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
