you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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