I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
