You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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