he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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