life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
