I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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