You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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