watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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