She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
