You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
