We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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