Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
