the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
