Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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