There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have already put on my inside pants.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
