i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
