Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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