my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bring me that man meat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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