Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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