ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize