what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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