Sponge bath it is.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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