I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
