Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
