She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
