two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
