I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
