i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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