I'm gonna have a badass scar
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
