She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You've changed since you got that strap on
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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