Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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