Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize