I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
