It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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