id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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