I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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