when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
