We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
