I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
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The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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