Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
