I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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