Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Shame - the story of my life.
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