I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
