He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You can't motorboat a personality
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
