Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We smell like vodka and hangover
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
