Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
