Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
