Someone shit on the floor
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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