I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
