I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
