The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
