my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
