would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize