I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
