I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
