you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
accomplished twins. life is a go
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
