Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
