i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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