i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
