I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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