Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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