$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
