You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
