O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
