you guys were way drunker than both of me
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
