oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
