sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
