yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
