Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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